4 month update

Ladybug’s 4 month check up went well.  She is up to 13 pounds and 23 inches, which is on the short side and on the chubby side.  Developmentally, she’s on schedule and even ahead on some things.  Keep up the good work Miss Ladybug!

In other news, she has an increasing interest in books and toys.  But her favorite thing is her playpad with the light up star.  She’s still getting to know Buddy, the “lovey” we introduced as a sleep/comfort cue on advice from the No-Cry Sleep Solution.

A busy week

Last week was a big week for our family.  It all started Tuesday night when Ladybug’s Papa got very very sick with the flu.  The worst flu he’d ever had.  I won’t go into detail, but the point is that Wednesday he was way too weak to take care of a baby.  So Ladybug came to work with me! 

I love that my job was flexible enough for that to work out.  Ladybug and I only stayed at the office for a couple of hours, but I got so much done while I nursed at my desk and she subsequently fell asleep on my lap.  When she woke up, we went home, and I was able to get more work done from home when she took her afternoon nap.  It worked out perfectly, and I was able to get a full day’s work in due to the hyper-efficiency that has set in since becoming a mom (that’s a-whole-nother blog post).

Ladybug’s Papa was on the mend by Thursday which was good since I had a trade show to work on Thursday and Friday.  I am a crazy person who actually enjoys working trade shows, so I was looking forward to it.  But in addition to working the booth all morning, it also meant that I had to find a place to discreetly pump twice each morning in a crowded exhibit hall.  I wasn’t too worried about it though, and it didn’t end up being a big deal.  I used my nursing cover to be discreet and found a quiet corner where I figured I wouldn’t be noticed.  Thank goodness my pump has a battery pack, so I didn’t have to worry about finding an outlet.

Sometime between all that I managed to check out The No-Cry Sleep Solution from the library and read most of it.  Ladybug is a great little sleeper once she gets asleep.  But she fights sleep like no other.  We now have a bedtime routine that includes reading poems and cuddling in the rocking chair to wind down for the day.  We have also followed the suggestions to introduce a “lovey”—a stuffed toy that you place between you while nursing in the hopes that she will come to associate the toy with comfort.  I’m not sure she has really noticed the little stuffed frog we are calling Buddy yet, but these things take time.  And we have our keywords: It’s okay.  Time to sleep.”  We’ll see if bedtime gets any easier in the weeks to come.  If not, we may have to resort to the dreaded Ferber method.  Ugh.

This weekend we brought Ladybug to her very first wedding!  She was a hit in her cute little pink dress, but she got a little over stimulated despite the fact that we left the reception pretty early.  The whole family was pretty tired when we got home, but we were thrilled for our newly married friends.

What a week!

What being a parent taught me

I held my breath as the piercer held the gun to my little girl’s ears yesterday.  And when she cried, I felt beyond guilty into whatever is worse than guilt.  I was certain I’d never regretted anything more profoundly in my life than causing my daughter pain for such a vain reason.

Within five minutes, she’d stopped crying and was her smiley self again.  My regret dissipated, but I was still a bit traumatized by the whole incident.  Much more so than she seems to be.

A day later, I definitely don’t regret it anymore, but I am apprehensive about what people will say.  In my family, ear piercing is a non-issue.  I had it done as a toddler, and others in my family had theirs done young also.  But I know what a hot issue it is for some people who feel that it should be the individual’s decision or it should coincide with a significant event or particular birthday.  I completely respect that.  It’s very cultural and really just personal.

As is so much about being a parent.  At one of my showers, a friend asked what has surprised me the most about having a baby, and in retrospect, I really think the most surprising thing has been the realization of how personal it really is.  I had so many opinions about Good Parenting before Ladybug, and I was so completely certain that my opinions were fact that I was often looking down on people who didn’t share my opinions.  I hate to admit how often actually.  I’ll be honest: I didn’t limit my strong opinions to just parenting.  The most surprising thing about becoming a mom is that I (finally) learned that opinions are just opinions.  Even when they’re mine.  It took having a baby to realize how ridiculous it is to be judgmental.  I guess I need to learn things the hard way sometimes. 

But some people never learn that lesson, and I find myself struggling with a growing apprehension of the people who watch my family like I used to watch others.  Particularly with an issue like infant ear piercing.  For some people, it is tantamount to child abuse (a quick google search will reveal how common that sentiment is).  For me, it’s about mother-daughter bonding and sharing my culture’s idea of femininity with my daughter.  I like that making it a non-issue allows age appropriate adornment to be a part of her life from the beginning as a fun way of expressing herself like it was for me growing up.   I’m okay with that.  Now I just need to learn how to deal with the people who aren’t okay with it.

The demise of the pacifier

Barely two weeks into parenthood, we made our first big compromise.  The pacifier.  I never wanted to use one.  It seemed—in my idealistic days before becoming a parent—the lazy choice.  Just comfort the baby, I thought.  Don’t use a prop when all they want is your attention.  That was before I had a baby who seemed like she could suck endlessly.  Ladybug was a dream in her first months.  She only cried when she needed something and let us sleep most nights.  But she really wanted something in her mouth pretty much all the time. 

Enter the pacifier.  But not so fast!  I had specific restrictions.  First of all, we were going to call it what it was.  No cutesy names in our family.  A pacifier is a pacifier.  (Though as time went on we were lax and occasionally called it a nook or a paci.)  She was not to fall asleep with it in her mouth. (This lasted about a day.)  And most importantly, we were never supposed to just pop in a pacifier to make her be quiet.  It was only for the times when she wanted something in her mouth but it wasn’t time to eat.  Let’s face it, of course we used it more than we should have. 

But those days are gone.  Who needs a pacifier when you have fingers?  Sometimes the thumb, but usually the whole darn fist.  Part of me is glad that she doesn’t want the pacifier anymore.  But part of me misses the quick fix that always made her happy.  Now we’re back to running through the checklist of possibilities when she’s fussy with no back up when mystery fuss befalls my little ladybug.
 

A pajama weekend

After a week of feeling especially run-down and blaming it on not yet being used to working full-time again, I found myself with something that felt a lot like the flu Thursday evening.  Turns out it wasn’t the flu.  It was mastitis.

We spent the evening at Urgent Care waiting for a diagnosis, which is the last place I wanted to be with my increasing temperature and nausea.  But there I was.  Too sick to even be much of a help with Ladybug.  Her papa was great about keeping her busy and quiet in the waiting room (for two hours) and while we waited for my prescription, which was so helpful.  And he has been great about helping me to remember to take my antibiotics.  What would I do without him? 

It was a pajama weekend, but I’m back at work today.  Almost back to 100%. 
 

Twelve Weeks Old

Well, we’ve just about made it through our first week apart.  I’m back at work as of this week, and Ladybug is at home with her dad. It’s tough to miss out on her days, but we try to make the most of our evenings for nursing and cuddling.  Meanwhile, I am pumping four times a day at work and thinking about her a lot.

Here are some general updates now that she is a whole twelve weeks old:

She surprised me one day a couple of weeks ago by rolling on to her back while doing tummy time on her playpad.  She just… rolled over like it was no big deal and looked at me quizzically when I gushed all over her.
We’re working on setting consistent routines for her both during the days with papa and in the evenings with me.  It’s tough to stay on the routine, especially on the evenings when we have plans, but we’re working on it and she definitely seems more content when we stick to the routine.

She’s getting noisier and noisier in good ways.  She coos and “talks” all the time now, and sometimes I swear it sounds like she’s saying real words.  We predict she’s going to be a talker.

People are finally starting to say that she looks like me.  For the first couple of months, she resembled her papa very strongly.  But it seems like more and more of me is creeping into her face as time goes on.

We went on our first family road trip to see Gram and Grandpa down in Chicago, which went pretty well.  It took a little longer than the usual six hours to get there as we had to stop a couple of times to nurse, but it was definitely a learning experience.  The ride home went more smoothly than the ride there because we’d smartened up a bit.
 

2 months old

Ladybug is exactly two months old today.  She is currently sleeping in my arm up against my chest.  We’re taking it easy today after her immunizations, which she did not enjoy. 

She has grown quite a bit in the last two months.  Ladybug is now 9 lbs 10 oz and 21 1/2 inches long.  That’s on the lower end of average for those who want a little context.  And the doctor said that she’s very healthy!

Nursing

Everything I read about nursing had me prepared for it to be difficult.  But I have to admit, I didn’t really give it much thought.  When Ladybug was born our first nursing session, an hour or so after she was born, went amazing.  She latched on and started sucking right away.   The nurse who was helping me was amazed.  “That never happens,” she said.

But next time wasn’t so smooth.  Neither was the next.  Two more weeks had us more frustrated than fed.  And part of me was convinced that it was the one handedness that was killing our vibe.  I scoured the Internet for information on “one handed breast feeding,” but my searches came up empty.

In the hospital the nurses kept telling me that it gets easier when the baby gets older.  “Days make a difference at this age,” one nurse told me.  So I kept trying despite my skepticism.  And then one day my daughter latched on and started to suck just like that first time that had me so hopeful. 

Just in case some other first time mom is searching for information on breast feeding with a limb deficiency and this entry comes up, hang in there.  Days make a difference. 

Birth of a Ladybug, Part 2

About half way through my pregnancy, my husband and I started reading up on the Bradley method of childbirth.  We weren’t able to take a class due to schedule conflicts, but we had the workbook and did the exercises on our own.  It isn’t quite the same, I’m sure.  But it worked for us.  Most nights before bed, we would practice relaxation and coaching techniques in ways that seemed a little cheesy at the time.  “This is tension.  This is what we will avoid during labor.  This is release.  This is what we will use during labor.”  But it really helped.  At the time, it helped me feel like my husband was involved in my pregnancy and informed about childbirth.  And it helped me sleep better with less aches and pains at night.  Later, the techniques didn’t feel so cheesy when there were real contractions to deal with, and I really needed someone to talk me through them.

My wonderful husband spent most of the day massaging the small of my back with his fist as recommended by the Bradley book.  The book had warned coaches that you will be surprised at how much force she will want, and it was true.  He commented later that he should have spent the whole pregnancy working out to have the strength to massage my back as much and as forcefully as I wanted it.  I can’t tell you how much that helped the pain though. 

Later, during the pushing, he and our nurse were the best coaches I could have asked for.  After every push they chorused on the progress we were making and how close we were.  I totally didn’t believe them, but it helped anyway.  And it turned out they weren’t just making it up to encourage me.  We were doing great.  Ladybug was born in just and hour and a half of pushing, and we were both teary eyed as they placed her on my chest.

The next several days were a blur, but I know that even with the help of the hospital staff, I couldn’t have done it without my partner.  He changed all the diapers while I was stuck in my hospital bed.  He made sure I had everything I needed.  He comforted me when the baby and I had less than successful nursing sessions.  He gave me mama-daughter time with the baby and made sure I had mama time alone too.

We came home to five dozen daisies (special shout out to my brother for coordinating the flower surprise).  My favorite flowers.  And this past weekend, while Grandma babysat, we had a belated anniversary date thanks to Papa’s insistence that Mama get out of the house without Baby. 

I couldn’t have done it without him.  He has been amazing over the last three weeks.  Well, the last three years really. 

More Tips…

• Choose your pediatrician before the baby is born.  I got distracted by the end of my pregnancy by my own discomfort and forgot all about this.  The on-call pediatrician gave her a once-over at the hospital, and we just made an appointment with a family practice doc for her one-week check up.  But we have yet to find a permanent pediatrician for the baby, and I would have so much preferred to have someone selected from the beginning.
• Don’t try to get into non-maternity clothes too soon.  I still haven’t touched anything I couldn’t wear while pregnant.  On that note, have some maternity clothes that you won’t mind wearing afterwards. 
• Nursing bras that cost $12 are worth $12.  Don’t cheap out like I did.